


Don't let go

by Nightyelfy



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Affection, Angst, Boys In Love, Childhood Memories, Feelings Realization, M/M, Memories, Rain, Repressed Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22929652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightyelfy/pseuds/Nightyelfy
Summary: Mafuyu is caught gazing intensely out the window. Unwilling to oppose the temptation of the past, he is quickly lured into a memory he forgot existed about a bicycle, and a boy who told him he wouldn't let go.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka, Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki
Kudos: 61





	Don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> A short story written to celebrate Mafuyu's birthday (28/2).  
> Please do not re-post my work on other websites.

It might rain soon, Mafuyu thought as he sneaked a glance through the parted curtains of the kitchen window. He shifted from one leg to the other, his eyes drawn to the view outside. Barely any light was coming through the vast, leaden clouds which loomed relentlessly over the once beaming heavens.

The wind was strong, and it made the window shake in its pane with each breeze. Leaning onto the glass, Mafuyu could feel its shy but persistent vibrations. He flinched as though forcing himself to depart from the window. But he didn’t; he couldn’t. His mind was keeping him in place, gripped by the subtlety of a sound. It was coming from somewhere outside. His eyes flickered through the window, searching, looking, now curious to discover its source. 

However, he found it hard to focus. Trees were wailing; drains were whistling; rooftops were howling. And Mafuyu was seeking for one sound in an ocean of noises. But right when everything felt like it had turned into a unified symphony, he spotted it—a lone bicycle. Tied to a rusty bike stand, it was rattling violently in the wind’s unhindered way. 

Mafuyu narrowed his eyes and stared at it. The noise it emanated was monotone, sharp, continually repeating. And the more he focused, the quicker he became engrossed by it.

He must’ve been six or seven years old when his mother bought him a bicycle. It was a birthday gift, one she thought would encourage him to be more outgoing, eager to see the world, which he was ever so hesitant in exploring.

„I can’t do it,” Mafuyu concluded halfheartedly, clutching onto the bicycle’s handles, bitting so hard onto his lip he almost tasted blood.

„Yes, you can!”

Mafuyu frowned and peered over his shoulder. A few steps behind him, a lively Yuki was spurring him on, excited that Mafuyu had accepted his dare to learn how to ride the bicycle without training wheels. With nothing but a nifty tool they found in the utility box and a lot of perseverance, they took off the training wheels earlier in the day and were eager to try something new. Or, at least, one of them was. 

„Come on, don’t give up!”

It was easy the day before when four wheels were supporting him. But now, since that numbered had halved, his balance, much like his confidence, wasn’t as steadfast. 

„You can do it, Mafuyu!”

Hearing the excitement in Yuki’s voice, Mafuyu found himself unable to resist. He shook his head, driving his doubts away, and hummed in agreement. Mafuyu wasn’t a brave child, but whenever Yuki was involved, the world became less frightening. As if the limitations were lifted, and he could do anything he wanted, despite the pang of mistrust lingering in his heart. 

Mafuyu got settled onto the bicycle. He raised his foot off the ground, and together with the other one, he pressed the pedals. His heart was in his throat when he felt the bicycle, even if barely, started to move. He opened his mouth, eager to call out his achievement, but he was too quick to celebrate. His victory was short-lived because one and a half twirls of the pedals later, his body wobbled uncontrollably before tumbling down to the ground. 

„Are you ok?” Yuki jumped to his side, shifting from one foot to the other, excitement still animating him.

„It moved,” Mafuyu said from under the bicycle and opened his eyes.

„It really did,” Yuki snickered and helped Mafuyu lift the bicycle.

Mafuyu supported the bike with his side while he cleaned himself of dust and dirt. Wearing a white T-shirt hadn’t been a good idea, but choosing another one proved to be quite the challenge. It was his favorite, and in a way, he thought of it as a lucky charm.

„Ready to try again?”

Mafuyu lifted his eyes to Yuki, his body still shaking from the crash and opened his mouth to speak. He thought to protest, but as though caught in the moment, he found it impossible to oppose Yuki’s determination. The bicycle moved even with two wheels; there was no doubt about it. With a nervous expression on his face, Mafuyu got back on the saddle.

„Yeah, just like that!” Yuki encouraged, quick to smile. Mafuyu took a deep breath and lifted his other leg to the appropriate pedal. 

The beginning was always the same, and after a few more tries, Mafuyu was convinced he got that part perfected. It was just what happened afterward that was still confusing to him. Because no matter how many attempts he made, the outcome always ended in failure. 

„This isn’t working,” Mafuyu cried out, gazing downward after having taken a step away from the crash site. Discouraged, he allowed the bicycle to remain on the spot it landed, covered in dust just like his T-shirt. 

„I think I know what the problem is,” Yuki approached and lifted the bicycle from the ground, studying it for a long moment. He then whipped around to Mafuyu, whose face had turned into a deep pout. They swapped expressions, Yuki’s eyebrows quick to shoot upwards. „What are you waiting for? Get back on.”

„No. I don’t want to,” Mafuyu winced, looking at Yuki apologetically.

„Come, Mafuyu, I have an idea.”

Mafuyu took small steps towards the bike and reached out to grab the handles once more. He hesitated for a long moment, but after meeting Yuki’s confident smile, he pushed himself on the saddle. Yuki nodded his head, snickering victoriously and moved behind Mafuyu, only to clutch onto the seat post.

„Just hold really tight,” Mafuyu pleaded after he understood Yuki’s intention.

„I will; now keep your eyes forward.”

Mafuyu swallowed before lifting his leg off of the ground. He held his breath, feeling unsettled by the thought of the task he was about to undertake once more. It was in that split second that all the images of his previous falls came alive in his mind. But instead of allowing his fear to linger, he used the momentum to push himself forward and pressed the pedals. 

„Don’t let go,” Mafuyu insisted, a note of exasperation in his tone just as the bike started moving. 

„I won’t.” 

Mafuyu was right to be fearful of another fall, as more than a few grazes had already left their mark on his legs and sides. But something was different that time around; the bicycle kept moving. And much to his surprise, the ride didn’t end after a couple of twirls of the pedals. Mafuyu hadn’t fallen yet, and by the feeling of the things around him and stability of the bicycle, he wasn’t going to any time soon. 

„Yuki, it’s working!” Mafuyu gasped and allowed his feet to continue pedaling. 

„Keep it up!”

„Don’t let go!” Mafuyu shouted, a broad smile now on his lips too.

"I won't, Mafuyu; of course, I won't let go!"

With eyes focused on the road ahead, and hands gripping the handles, Mafuyu pedaled even faster. The sensation while on the bicycle was exhilarating. The wind was playing in his hair, the breeze striking his reddened cheeks, and having Yuki by his side gave him the courage to press forward. For a while, everything felt exciting, fun, perfect. As the scenery was flashing before his eyes, Mafuyu couldn’t resist the temptation, and in his heart, he became truthful to himself; that was everything he ever wanted, even if he didn’t have the words to say. The freedom, the safety, the excitement, the company. And because of that, he had already made a wish; that this moment, his and Yuki’s moment together, alongside with those feelings, would never come to an end. 

„Look at you go, Mafuyu!” 

Mafuyu’s heart stuttered as he snapped back to reality and began making sense of his surroundings. Yuki’s words, no, rather, his voice was coming from somewhere far in the distance. And that was when a terrifying conclusion sent a shiver through his body - Yuki wasn’t beside him. Unable to stay focused, and after a couple of awkward attempts at regaining his balance, Mafuyu came crashing to the ground with a resonating whump.

„Mafuyu!” Yuki shouted, his smile fading after spotting Mafuyu’s distress. He sprinted over to him and gave the boy a disheartened look. „Are you alright?”

Mafuyu was struggling to pull himself from under the bicycle, but his attempt proved a lot harder than before. „My ankle... it hurts.” 

Yuki pulled the bicycle away from Mafuyu and, after turning to him, offered him his hand. „Here, let me help you.” Mafuyu reached up and grabbed it. With a steady pull, Mafuyu got up from the ground but was unable to suppress a shrill when he tried to put his injured foot down.

„Can you walk?” Yuki asked and glanced over at his foot. 

„I can’t,” Mafuyu murmured and allowed himself to fall on the ground. Exhausted, hurt, covered in dust and dirt, and with the pain having caught up to him, his lip began to tremble as his eyes welled up.

„No, Mafuyu, stop, stop. I mean, wait. You don’t have to cry.” 

„It hurts, Yuki,” he wailed and began sobbing, „it really hurts.” Mafuyu brought his hands to his eyes, wishing to cry his distress away and, probably most of all, hide his face from Yuki’s insistent gaze. 

„I know, I know. But you have to be brave.”

Maufyu rubbed his eyes, trying to clear them, but to little avail; his tears proved more persistent than him.

„I will help you,” Yuki then went down on his knees in front of Mafuyu and reached out to him.

„No,” Mafuyu said, pushing his hand away.

„Why not?” Yuki tilted his head towards him, trying to get a peek of his face. But Mafuyu was so good at keeping it hidden behind his hands that Yuki was forced to retreat and rethink his approach. 

„You let go, Yuki,” Mafuyu’s sobbing made it hard for him to speak, forcing him to take deep breathes after every sentence. „You said you wouldn’t let go, but you did.”

Yuki’s lips thinned and, for a long moment, stared at Mafuyu as his tears kept cascading down his reddened and dusty cheeks. 

„I’m sorry, Mafuyu,” Yuki said, sniffling, fighting his tears. „I’m sorry I let go.” Yuki swallowed, and with eyes surrounded by tears, he leaned forward and offered his hand once more. „But you can’t give up now.” 

Yuki’s words made Mafuyu’s tears pause. Sensing his insistence, he lowered his hands from his face and immediately spotted Yuki, whose flustered face was lined with regret. 

„I will help you get home,” Yuki lifted Mafuyu’s arm and, after placing it around his neck, pulled the boy upwards. „So, just follow my lead.” 

Yuki was holding onto Mafuyu with one hand and dragging the bicycle with the other. Mafuyu was hopping alongside Yuki, spending most of his energy on maintaining his balance even if Yuki proved to be a useful crutch. 

The clouds gathered above their heads, stirring, darkening with every minute that passed. They were usually in the house by this hour, but it must’ve taken them three times as much time to get home, even if they were in the park near their houses. Mafuyu was staring up at the skies, lost in their twisted transformation when a chilly breeze grazed their weary bodies.

„Are you cold?” Yuki asked, feeling Mafuyu shiver.

„I don’t know. I just want to go home,” Mafuyu said, struggling to move as Yuki’s fastened his grip on his arm.

„We are almost there,” Yuki huffed as he turned to Mafuyu, who was still hesitant to show him any sympathy. 

„Why did you let go, Yuki?” Mafuyu asked after a long moment of silence and lowered his gaze.

„I knew you could do it.”

Mafuyu turned to Yuki. It was then he noticed that his eyes were focused on a point somewhere straight ahead, close but yet still too far away for Mafuyu ever to spot. „What do you mean?” He then asked, his mouth dry.

„I still don’t know how to ride a bicycle, Mafuyu. But you learned everything there was to it so fast. Really fast! And all by yourself.”

Mafuyu found it hard to catch Yuki’s expression. It was as though, that time around, Yuki was hiding from him. But hearing how guarded his voice was, Mafuyu felt his heart twinge. „I couldn’t have done it without you,” his words were out before he could stop them.

„I don’t think that’s true,” Yuki shook his head. „You can do anything you want. That’s why you’re so cool.”

Mafuyu repeatedly blinked, unable to understand the meaning behind Yuki’s final word.

Cool.

Mafuyu’s eyes narrowed, the word beginning to resonate with his limited perception of what it entailed.

Cool.

„Yuki, but I am not — ”

The sound of the kettle’s whistle was loud, and it made Mafuyu flinch. His eyes widened as he roused from his memories. He pushed the curtains back together, and with an expressionless gaze, turned around and went to tend to it. 

He grabbed tea bags from a nearby cupboard and poured water from the kettle in the cups he had previously set out on the counter. Mafuyu stared at them for a long moment, watching the steam lift only to eventually disappear, fade away without a trace of ever having existed. 

Thinking of the memory, Mafuyu leaned down and pressed his fingers against his ankle. He swallowed a gasp when he noticed that despite the passage of years and the wound having healed, the scar was still there. He almost forgot about it, and up to a point, he couldn’t decide if he was relieved or not. 

Mafuyu exhaled slowly and grabbed the two cups of tea. He made his way back to his bedroom, his footsteps echoing quietly in the hallway. 

Once inside, he turned to the small round table located in the center of the fleecy carpet. Amongst notebooks, textbooks, a calculator, and a couple of pencil cases, Mafuyu found a spot for the cups. He placed them down with a shallow thud, steam still rising from them.

„Uenoyama-kun,” he then said, reaching out to the boy and rubbing his arm gently.

But Uenoyama was unresponsive. He had fallen asleep with his head cozily wrapped in his arms, his math textbook proving to be a better pillow than an educational tool.

„The tea is getting cold,” Mafuyu whispered and sat down opposite Uenoyama at the table. Uenoyama groaned sleepily, and while Mafuyu thought he was going to open his eyes, he didn’t; instead, he took a deep breath and continued his nap. 

Unable to take his eyes away, Mafuyu began scrutinizing Uenoyama, as though looking to absorb every little detail of his appearance. The intense dark of his hair, the sharpness of his eyebrows, the pleasant way his lips curled when he was relaxing. Still yet to be satisfied, Mafuyu persisted in his investigation until his blank gaze reached Uenoyama’s hands. 

Uenoyama-kun has firm hands, Mafuyu thought as a profound craving sprouted within him. He was fidgeting with the desire to approach him, to feel his hands, to get re-accustomed with their touch. And so, having nothing stopping him in his venture, Mafuyu reached out with the tips of his fingers until he met Uenoyama’s hand, which was resting freely on the table. 

Mafuyu tranced Uenoyama’s long fingers with the tips of his, enjoying the feeling they ignited in him. There was a faint familiarity that wasn’t there before. Surfacing from his thoughts, Mafuyu swallowed and paused for a moment. And just as he was about to make sense of his dilemma, Uenoyama groaned as though sensing Mafuyu’s curiosity. He then reached forward and grabbed his hand. Mafuyu flinched, Uenoyama’s gesture taking him aback. 

Uenoyama-kun doesn’t like to hold hands when he is awake, Mafuyu thought after settling down, but he isn’t awake now. 

Mafuyu waited, concentrating on the feeling around his hand, considering that Uenoyama might wake up at any moment. But his blue eyes were still closed, and before Mafuyu could say his piece, his gaze darted to the large window behind Uenoyama. 

It’s raining, Mafuyu thought as raindrops were crashing on the glass, splashing loudly once they met its surface. 

Drawn by the sight, Mafuyu was about to slip back into his memories when he felt Uenoyama tightening his gentle grip around his hand. Mafuyu then shook his head and smiled, forcing himself to remain in the present, allowing himself to be absorbed by the pleasant sound of the rain, the aromatic smell of the freshly brewed tea, and the warmth of Uenoyama’s firm hand.


End file.
